if you like me you must not know who I am
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
