I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
foreskin is a definite game changer
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
