They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
