I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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