you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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