he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
