She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
