By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
