after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
