I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
