tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
