I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
