Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
