Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
