a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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