Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
