I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
