haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
