Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
