I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
