We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
