so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
