bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
