My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
