he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
