Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
