You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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