Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
