these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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