I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
