It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
