i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
