So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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