She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
They have beer where we have blood.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
