Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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