Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
