i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
