The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
