Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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