who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
