My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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