real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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