What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
