This girl is more easily done than said...
someone owes me an orgasm
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
