that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
