I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
