well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
