tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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