Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
