isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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