no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
