you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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