Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We're too hungover to prance.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
