i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
