remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
